Peeing With The Rich
So this past weekend I went to Las Vegas with my friend Alex Gray on a lark. We drove from San Francisco to Vegas via Yosemite and Death Valley, and I will detail those adventures at a later date, since what matters right now is that I flew back via America West Airlines on Tuesday morning, and except for a slight delay it was an uneventful flight.
With the exception of the bathrooms.
I have flown quite a bit in the past few months and have noticed a disturbing thing: when you sit down and the flight attendants do their little Safety Song and Dance they inform all of the denizens of the plane that Coach passengers are no longer allowed to use the First Class bathrooms “because of federal safety regulations.”
This is not a joke. They are very serious about this.
I think that during the post-9/11 airline traffic drop the airlines needed to sell as many First Class seats as possible and thus wanted to give as many incentives as possible to those travelers and so somehow snuck the “security regulation” in. The notion that somehow a Coach passenger peeing in the rich people’s bathroom creates an inherent security threat to the United States of America is little hard for me to swallow. It’s so odd, in fact, that I decided to write both the FAA and America West Airlines to see what the deal is. Here’s the text of my letter:
I am writing to inquire about your policy of not allowing coach passengers to use the first class bathrooms during flights. During my last trip the flight attendents cited “federal security regulations” as being the reason why this policy is in effect. Since the very existence of such a regulation is a particularly bizarre notion for most rational humans I am wondering if you can help me to understand *exactly* which regulations dictate such a strange policy and where I can get an exact copy of those regulations. I very much appreciate your help.
I’ll let you know if/when I get a response. If the FAA doesn’t respond I’ll submit a Freedom of Information Act request to find out.
So dumb. I wonder, if it’s not okay for me to pee in the rich people’s bathroom, is it OK for me to just pee directly on them?




