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Peeing With The Rich

Filed under: Travel — Nick Hodulik at 10:53 pm on Wednesday, July 6, 2005

So this past weekend I went to Las Vegas with my friend Alex Gray on a lark. We drove from San Francisco to Vegas via Yosemite and Death Valley, and I will detail those adventures at a later date, since what matters right now is that I flew back via America West Airlines on Tuesday morning, and except for a slight delay it was an uneventful flight.

With the exception of the bathrooms.

I have flown quite a bit in the past few months and have noticed a disturbing thing: when you sit down and the flight attendants do their little Safety Song and Dance they inform all of the denizens of the plane that Coach passengers are no longer allowed to use the First Class bathrooms “because of federal safety regulations.”

This is not a joke. They are very serious about this.

I think that during the post-9/11 airline traffic drop the airlines needed to sell as many First Class seats as possible and thus wanted to give as many incentives as possible to those travelers and so somehow snuck the “security regulation” in. The notion that somehow a Coach passenger peeing in the rich people’s bathroom creates an inherent security threat to the United States of America is little hard for me to swallow. It’s so odd, in fact, that I decided to write both the FAA and America West Airlines to see what the deal is. Here’s the text of my letter:

I am writing to inquire about your policy of not allowing coach passengers to use the first class bathrooms during flights. During my last trip the flight attendents cited “federal security regulations” as being the reason why this policy is in effect. Since the very existence of such a regulation is a particularly bizarre notion for most rational humans I am wondering if you can help me to understand *exactly* which regulations dictate such a strange policy and where I can get an exact copy of those regulations. I very much appreciate your help.

I’ll let you know if/when I get a response. If the FAA doesn’t respond I’ll submit a Freedom of Information Act request to find out.

So dumb. I wonder, if it’s not okay for me to pee in the rich people’s bathroom, is it OK for me to just pee directly on them?

5 Comments »

8

Comment by Ars

July 7, 2005 @ 6:14 am

There’s no such regulation about FC lavatories, but the FAA directs airlines to keep the area around the cockpit door clear of passengers (that’s the extent of the security directive). See the last Q&A for a brief description from US Airways: http://psd.museum.upenn.edu/media/attache/www.attachemag.com/dialogue.htm

Also see parts 4.b.(1)(e-f) of http://www.faa.gov/avr/afs/notices/8400/N8400-75.doc (Notice 8400.75, “PROCEDURES FOR OPENING, CLOSING, AND LOCKING OF FLIGHTCREW COMPARTMENT DOORS, INCLUDING AUDIO AND VISUAL VERIFICATION PROCEDURES”). Airlines have the option to implement these as they see fit. JetBlue, for example, clears the forward lavatory and blocks the aisle with a beverage cart before the cockpit door is opened in flight. El Al has modified aircraft with lavatories only accessible from the cockpit, or interlocking double-doors that permit either passenger or flight deck access to a forward lavatory, but not both. If airlines choose to restrict access to forward lavatories by class, presumably to reduce the traffic near the cockpit door, that’s their prerogative. It seems unfair and misleading for the passenger indoctrincation to imply that FC passengers are entitled to special services due to FAA directives or regulations.

9

Comment by Nick

July 7, 2005 @ 9:54 am

Interesting, Ars.

I wrote to the FAA, who apparently forwarded on my letter to the TSA. In a fabulous twist of government beauracracy, the TSA wrote me back thusly:

Thank you for your email message.

We encourage you to visit the Federal Aviation Administration’s (FAA) website at http://www.faa.gov for assistance. You may also submit questions on their website if you are unable to find the information you seek.

TSA Contact Center

So my friends at the FAA told me to go to the TSA, who in turn told me to go to the FAA. I suppose the next step is to write to both of them simultaneously, pointing out that they are referring me to each other rather than just answering the question.

Of course Ars has already basically answered this question in his comment, but at this point it’s more a matter of forcing the government to work correctly than anything else.

10

Comment by Chad

July 8, 2005 @ 8:52 pm

You actually can use the first class restroom…but only if you throw up. No really…it really works.

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Pingback by doit, doit now! » Blog Archive » First Class Bathrooms Are Not Protected By National Security Laws

July 11, 2005 @ 11:31 pm

[…] First Class Bathrooms Are Not Protected By National Security Laws So a few days ago I wrote to both the FAA and America West customer service departments and as […]

105

Comment by Nice Guy Eddie

March 27, 2006 @ 4:41 am

Happened to me yesterday. Flying down to Orlando on business. Ordered a beer. They had no change for a $20, so I said “Give me four.” They came back with 2 beers and a $10. Drank them, ordered another and tipped the pretty asian air-waitress the $5 change. Clearly, three beers in 20 minutes goes pretty quickly and smell coming from the bathroom in Coach was awful and there was a line. I was in business class and just walked up 10 feet to the 1st class bathroom and waited. The reaction was unreal. It was as if I was holding an AK-47 in one hand and a flaming Malotov cocktail in the other. I told them I knew for a fact that the FAA regultions stipulate that no passneger can be denied access to any lavatory for any reason. They told me it was against their policy. I took names (and pictures of faces) & plan to lodge a formal complaint.

They asked if I’d been drinking and I responded “Only what you’ve served me.” The funny part was after I was threatened with arrest (and a taser) I went and waited at the stinky room. The woman, who was obviously the leader of the pack, stormed up and snatched those curtains closed. The curtains are transparent and made of a tissue-like material. Boy, she sure got me.

It was Continental Airlines and the woman’s name was Patricia Walker. African American, 5′3″, bad breath, worse attitude.

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