doit, doit now!

Sadly, this breakup threw me into severe acute depression, and it’s just now I am feeling a little like myself again.

I had lunch on Monday with Carol Lin, a former CNN and ABC anchor who has the distinction of being the first reporter to break the story of 9/11. (She is also friends with my friend Jason Bellini… Very small world. In one of email exchanges she said “Oh I love Jason! He picked me up in Kosovo and drove me to Macedonia.” How often do you get emails like that?). Her husband passed away from cancer at a young age and now her mother has it. When she found out her husband had cancer she decided that she was going to stop working and become his caregiver. Since his unfortunate passing she has decided that she wants to be a force for change in the world of cancer (and chronic disease in general). She’s a very motivated and passionate individual.

We were meeting over the possibility of me helping her out with a new venture she is trying to create. We got along great. After the technical and business discussions finished we began to get a little personal. At one point she started getting visibly and softly upset and said that in the midst of all of her sadness she one day realized that she just had to wake up every morning and choose happiness. She said it was work but that she had to choose it every morning.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a joyful person, that I love to laugh and take pleasure in the little and big wonders of the world. I take joy in joy itself. After my breakup I just felt crushed and horrible. And the day I met with Carol I felt horrible. But I decided that what I was going through was nothing compared to what she went through. I have great friends who care about me, I have a great business that I have built up by myself, I have a great apartment and a great dog and a great family. So what if some misfit kid stole my heart and played emotional and mental soccer with it?

I decided that I was going to wake up yesterday and choose happiness.

And yet the day sort of sucked, but I kept reminding myself to choose happiness. I got close to tears at several points during the day, as I am now. But I woke up again this morning and decided to choose happiness.

I am going to continue to wake up and choose happiness until I don’t have to wake up and consciously think that any more. There is too much in my life that is good.